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I am Breaking Up with Myself

by Community Couch

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not-an-artist I have been waiting for this for a really long time.
I'm glad I got paid so I can buy this and support the band. I'm sad I can't see you live in concert. Maybe one day I'll see you all in person. To thank you for this amazing gift. As long as you you love doing this never stop.
/
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1.
If I thought you would hear me I would tell you that I'm sorry So, if you're listening I'm sorry for everything But can we all stop pretending like we're not both guilty I know I've got blood on my hands But yours are fucking filthy Can we all stop pretending, 'cause that's what fucking kills me I know our death was by my hands But you made it come so quickly
2.
A song about a parking lot To make you think that I'm punk rock And whether I like it or not I'm sure I'll hate it in six months I'll mention a few punks by name Even if I think it sounds fucking lame It's really, truly all the same 'Cause Jeff and Taylor both thought it was cool I'm still at the top of the list of all the things that I hate But next on that list is everything that I create I'll write a song about a broken heart And how my whole world fell apart And we'll both know right from the start How this song's gonna end Predictable use of four chords Two minutes in we'll both be bored If I'm lucky like Chris from Dashboard This song will get stuck in your head I'm still at the top of the list of all the things that I hate But next on that list is everything that I create I'll write a song about how I'm getting better Maybe not now, but you know, whenever From where I'm standing it feels like forever Until I feel that strong I can't be sad forever I won't be sad forever I'm always working on getting better 'Cause I refuse to be sad forever (x1000)
3.
I spent the past two weeks on a bed with no sheets Tossing and turning, trying to get some sleep 'Cause I've been sleeping on making amends On every mistake that I've made I've got a heart tattooed on my right wrist Just to remind me that I am a piece of shit 'Cause there's a piece of my heart that's stuck In that time and that place I'm sorry, I'm sorry for who I used to be And that you were stuck standing right there beside me I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry for everything Please just hear these words Please don't close your eyes We both know you're used to being on the winning side There's much more to privilege than having the most money We try to tell you when you're wrong, but you just think it's funny Your bone headed views and your bone headed boy I've got a bone to pick with you, so let's stop being coy You call yourself an ally You call yourself a friend You call me at least twice a week And that's not where it ends You refuse to fight for change if it doesn't affect your life You refuse to see through other people's eyes Maybe you will admit you're wrong If you hear it in the form of a song You refuse to use your privilege to anyone else's advantage I'm just so certain the marginalized people in your life Would greatly appreciate it If you would cut the bullshit, myself included You refuse to use your privilege to anyone else's advantage (x1000)
4.
Untitled 02:17
I'm growing tired of half hearted friendships that seem to be based mostly on proximity I'm growing tired of half hearted friendships that seem to be based mostly on the way I think of me Another night of stolen conversations Another night of miscommunication Another night of lowered expectation Another night of- The tattoo on my leg says "Never get Tired" But I'm growing tired of thinking of you Is that what "best friends" mean to you? I'm growing tired of half hearted friendships that seem to be based mostly on proximity I'm growing tired of half hearted friendships that seem to be based mostly on the way I think of me The tattoo on my leg says "Never get Tired" Is that what "best friends" means to you? (x 1,000)
5.
I keep thinking about self medication In the form of caffeine, nicotine, and your Spotify stations 'Cause Nancy from the IHOP on 19 and Curlew Knows I take my coffee without creamer because of you And this may seem like a trivial memory But I can't go three days without wondering if you still think of me Do you think of me? Do you think of me the way I think of you? 'Cause all I wanted was a hand to hold And someone to share my pack of menthol cigarettes And all you wanted was a shoulder to cry on and sex You're so full of yourself You'll probably tell of my ex-best friends all about this song I wrote, where I don't mention your name But you're pretty sure I wrote it about you I only wish you could understand I spent the past two years living inside my head I was too goddamned busy hating myself To even consider loving anyone else Anyone else
6.
T+ 02:51
I've never seen 7th Avenue so crowded before People on the streets, on the sidewalk, in all of the stores Wel,, I know I should feel like these people are my peers Well, I hate to be cliche, but I feel alone in the crowd here Ian McKaye sang of feeling like a black sheep Feeling out of step to the people stepping around me Well, I'm all for pride, and I'm all for fighting the man Btu if you're so goddamned inclusive, why can't you include "they/them?" You added a pink stripe to your flag You added a pink stripe to your flag But you can't act like you added anyone at all You added a pink stripe to your flag You added a pink stripe to your flag But you can't act like you added anything at all (x 1,000)
7.
I wanna tell you how much I hate you In a cacophony of sound But all I've got is a ukulele And thoughts of how I wish you were still around I used to tell you that I loved you More than I said it to myself Well hindsight's 20/20 I knew you were promising us hell I want to remember my dreams Or remember how to create a false memory Or fall into an alternate reality Where I haven't fallen out of love with me I think I remember one dream Where you and I were hanging out, catching some Z's And if memory serves I told you I loved you And you said the same to me And as the ambient city lights Creep through the cracks in our aluminium blinds I'm lying awake, tossing and turning Playing it back through my mind I spent so much time defending you But you left us all behind You spent so much time caring for yourself But didn't care to say goodbye Well, I'd rip the flesh off my right arm If it meant that I could forget you Or it gave me the will power To just pretend that I had never met you
8.
HO1KG 02:30
Looking back two years We were both so ready to be anywhere but here But now that it’s real, I’m not ready to disappear So much has changed since those L-shaped couch days Inebriated nights in our bedroom, the flies, termites, and the monsoon We all hated that house, we all said “FUCK OFF HEATH” But dammit if I don’t miss it, and what it did for me Sitting on the porch until four in the morning, drunkenly exchanging our drunken stories Eli brought enough Rolling Rock to last us for days Everything smells like boiled peanuts, Nathan brought Doritos and that’s enough to feed us Fumbling through some silly cover song in a haze There’s streamers on the ceiling from four different birthdays Somebody and Neil are asleep on the futon, and they’ll both be gone by morning The floor is covered in confetti and plastic dinosaurs but Suki seems to like it anyway Strech tore down a city dressed as a Hawaiian shirt dinosaur, and that made Rowan’s birthday We all hated that house, we all said “FUCK OFF HEATH” But dammit if I don’t miss it, and what it did for me We all hate this town, we all say “FUCK ST PETE” But dammit I might just die here, if I die with my friends, Well that’s okay with me
9.
It's the middle of March and it's 85 degrees I'm driving through Clearwater with Vacation on repeat I'm on my eighth cup of coffee, not even thinking of sleep It's the best that I've felt in weeks I'll get a house with my friends in South Saint Pete And feel at home for the first time since 2013 Or I'll ride my bike to somewhere that I've never seen Or somewhere in-between I'm trying my best to do the best I can In these trying times I'm trying my best not to forget myself again At least I'm trying this time It's early July and it's 100 degrees I'm trying to get some sleep but there's no fucking AC It feels like a sauna, and I feel like defeat 'Cause I can't fucking breath I can't pay my bills, I don't know how we'll eat I'd pick up another job, but then when would I sleep? There's only two ends to a candle, but I'm trying to burn three I'm giving up on me I'm trying my best to do the best I can In these trying times I'm trying my best not to forget myself again At least I'm trying this time
10.
Last night, I slept with satin sheet in lieu of blankets It's freezing in your apartment But if we weren't here I don't think that we'd make it I'm searching for motivation And you're forcing conversation But I like it As far apart as we can be While still being together I won't fight it This has been the longest month that I can remember I've been listening to The Promise Ring Like it's the early November It's sad when, you're fighting with yourself I can't find a leg to stand on Figuratively speaking But also in reality I'm finished with this syndicated sitcom It rained overnight, but the storm is still coming Mom rented a trailer We said we'd be out by Monday I can't pay two rents cause I hear the shops closing But I'm still drinking canned cold brew And eating McMuffins I'm running out of excuses for the bags under my eyes The jokes get a chuckle But we both know they're lies And there lies the last time That I slept through the night 'Cause I'm up every hour Just to check the time This has been the longest month that I can remember I've been listening to The Promise Ring Like it's the early November It's sad when, you're fighting with yourself I can't find a leg to stand on Figuratively speaking But also in reality I'm finished with this syndicated sitcom I CAN'T FIND A LEG TO STAND ON
11.
VHS Marathon 03:25
I spent the past eleven years wearing rose-tinted glasses And feeling real sad about Someone that I never really got to get to know Never got to find my feelings Never got to formulate opinions of my own Judging by the evidence shown There was some misinformation 'bout that situation living at home I can't hold you to a higher standard Than I choose to hold myself or my friends 'Cause we're all humans And nobody's perfect But you cut short your redemption When you cut short to the end I guess I've slowly started to realize That I've slowly started to romantacize All the times that we had spent together I was so sure that they'd last forever But if I crouch down so we could see eye to eye It would come down to a whole crock of lies 'Cause if you were here today It would be us versus them It would be father versus faggot Two different shades of red NANANA I'm not sad that you're gone I'm just made that you left (x1000)

credits

released September 14, 2018

Stove Johnson: Ukulele, Vocals, Melodica
Eli Lopez: Drums
Glen Martinetto: Bass, Back up Vocals
(Also Thanks to Amanda Starling for the help with gang vocals)

Recorded, Produced, Mixed, and Mastered by the infamous Jacob Taylor

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Community Couch Florida

Three-piece (Occasionally four-piece) band from various parts of the St. Pete/Tampa area of Florida. Farting.

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